K.I.S.S….as in Keep It Simple Stupid..

I find it strange that a person would put “it’s complicated” as a relationship status. I know they’re different levels of relationships, but if you don’t have a real title (not some made up ass title), or your not comfortable in your relationship, why not say your single, or just put “n/a”? Saying “it’s complicated” makes other people question your judgement. And while the masses say they don’t care what other people think of them…well atleast question yourself. Is it really that serious?

I don’t understand, and maybe it’s not for me to understand. But I do know that nine times out of ten the other person who your having this complicated relationship with, is happily marking that “single” or “n/a” box without hesitation…trust.

I will be the first to tell you, that I am quick to mark that single box without even thinking twice. If you can’t say “yes I’m in a relationship with so and so” or “I’m married to blah blah blah”, well that means you are single. Accept it or jump rope and get over it. K.I.S.S

Strengthen Your Stroke

LMAO…literally!!!!!
The people who come up with parodies about these crazy “tv inventions”, are genius!
Big thanks to the people who buy this “infomercial crap”; Cheers to you dummy, you make the joke all the more funnier!

Really?! You wanted to go skiing that bad? Damn

Sarah Nicole Fowke. The ultimate ski liar.

Hands down, this chick gets the “Ultimate Liar” and the “B*tch Was It That Serious” Award.  This woman attempted to use her boyfriends ski pass, of course to do the obvious… go skiing (duh). When she was asked why she was using mans ski pass, this loon toon says that she was in the process of undergoing a sex change. Really?! She must really love to ski.

If I had a boyfriend and he said “yeah babe, just use my ski pass”, I would have to stop that conversation right there in its tracks. I would have to ask him a couple of questions, like: “so do you think I look like a man?” and “If you think I look like a man, why are you with me?” and the ultimate question is “Do you like men?”. Yeah buddy, I would have taken the conversation to another level.

News story below from About.com: http://weirdnews.about.com/b/2009/12/10/woman-claims-sex-change-to-use-mans-ski-ticket.htm

 

“Police say a woman caught using her boyfriend’s ski pass claimed she was in the middle of a sex-change operation when asked why she had a man’s pass.

Police in Colorado say Sarah Nicole Fowke was stopped when trying to use a pass belonging to Nicholas Hemstreet. And that’s when things got interesting.

Fowke told the resort she was in the middle of a sex change, and that her father had disowned her, according to cbs4denver.com. That was shocking news to Mr. Hemstreet, whose son (still apparently a man) eventually admitted he gave his pass to his girlfriend — Fowke — according to the report”

Have a tall glass of Testosterone..The drink for sensitive men.

 Will someone please get these sensitive, “butt -hurt” men some ointment or something fast?

This new fad among men these days is ridiculous. Is the government conducting an experiment on men all over the world, and injecting them with this “whiney extra estrogen” trait? *shrugs shoulders*

I’m not one for male bashing , because in some aspect they make the world go round, but damn what happened to the tough skinned men? Where are the men that let the little un-meaningful things bounce off of them like a rubber ball? Are they all extinct?

In my world, yes I said “my world”, they’re “good sensitive” people and “bad sensitive” people. A Good sensitive person  is one that has the ability to mindful of a persons feelings, caring, and loving. A Bad sensitive person is one that takes everything personal, bitches about everything, and can’t see past certain things .

Well boooo to me, because I have come across nothing but “bad sensitive” men. The ones that gripe about why you only called or text them once that day, or  the ones that get jealous when you do something as little as have a conversation with someone.  Shut up and rub some ointment that itchy “butt-hurt” rash, or drink a glass of testosterone. I wonder if men do these things so women can stroke their ego. If this is the case, you need to find another way of doing things because it is not cute.

But with saying everything that I have said, should I question myself? Should I learn how to become a little bit more sensitive. Hmmmm, it’s a possibility.

I am not using my blog as a forum to talk down on men; I love men, I would never do that. I think it should be taken more so as a Public Service Annonncent….thats all

Blind to the color

Robin Thicke?! Hell yeah, I’d bone.  Lawd Geesus that man is so attractive, he makes my knees buckle when he sings, talks, walks, eats, sits on the toilet, blows his nose, everything…he is gorgeous.  Yes, he can be the cream to my coffee anytime *drools*.

The funny part about it is that I am not normally attracted to white men. Don’t twist my words, because some may holler I’m racist or something, which I am not, I just prefer black men, it’s a preference.

I know I should not be shallow and subject myself to one group of people.  Some say that color should not matter, and I totally agree with this.  Here is a great example, and please people do not take this personal.

Example: One day I was in Target, in the lotion aisle. Along side of me was a white man; Very nicely dressed, attractive, nice smelling cologne, everything I love in man on the outside. He was watching me as I kept picking up and putting down lotions. It was obvious that I was having a hard time trying to find something I liked. So he picks up a Jergens bottle and says “this is a good lotion, not to heavy not to light” .  I chuckle and say “really? “. I begin to explain why I did not like Jergens because of blah blah blah (I don’t remember my reason, because I am now in love with that lotion). Anywho, he goes on to explain that he is a doctor and that that is the lotion he recommends to his patients. From there we struck up a conversation that went on to many different topics. Just as we were about to part ways, he asked for my phone number, and said that he would love to continue our conversation. Granted it was a great conversation, I just couldn’t see myself saying “yeah, my number is 415 blah blah blah, call me” . Was it because he was white? Great possibility. So basically the way I turned him down,  I told him that I was in a very serious relationship (what a lie). He said “oh okay, well it was nice talking with you and you take care”. He shook my hand and we went our separate ways.  Now if I was in the same situation, but instead of the man being white he was black would I have given him my number ? Yes.

Maybe stereotypes that are put on certain groups of people make me not want to step outside the box. Like for instance they say black men have big “THANG THANGS” , and white men have small “PETER WHACKERS”. I know this is not true, because I have been with black men that have really itty bity “THANG THANGS”, and even though I have never been with a white man sexually, I have seen pictures, and porn (don’t judge and don’t act) where they were hung like horses. It’s a great possibility that I am afraid that a white man may not be able to relate to me and I may not be able to relate to him. Whatever that case maybe I personally believe I need to get over it and stop seeing color. Who knows, my soul mate may be white, or any other race at that. *Sigh* Pray for me.

WTF?…As in.. Why The F*ck

Sometimes I sit and wonder why do I stumble across certain people.

For instance; When I decided to follow the masses and open a Facebook account, all of a sudden the “ghosts of high school past” began to haunt me. Granted I am very happy to reconnect with majority of the people on there, but some people can careless to speak to again. No boo boo, I’m not trying to make a re-connect love connection….uuuh negative, STOP.

Bogus. As I was minding my own business last night, happily watching Married With Children at 2:44 am (don’t judge), I get a text message. instantly I jump up because I’m ready to let whoever have it for texting me so late/early. When I look at my phone, I begin racking my brain trying to figure out who this person is, because I didn’t have the number saved in my phone. Me being the nosey person that I am, I decided to figure out who text me later, and quickly opened the message. It was a video text, and my eyes instantly fixed on to a girl giving head/sucking d*ck/sucking penis/wrapping lips around the male membrane/giving a blow job/putting something other than food in her mouth. First thought: “Who the f*ck sent me this bullshit”. Second thought: “Oh wow, she is talented, how did she do that”? After I silently gave the girl in the clip her props, I went in to “I’m about to cuss the f*ck out of someone” mode. I was offended. I’m not a prude, or someone who gets disgusted by seeing or doing sexual things, I just don’t want a random person sending me that sh*t. So I start texting away; “who the f*ck is this, and why the f*ck would you send me this sh*t”? I wasn’t surprised that the person didn’t text back immediately, maybe they wanted to show they had a decent respectable side and wait until the sun comes up…*rolls eyes*.

The sun rises, the roosters cock-a-doodle-doo, and my text message alert goes off. Oh joy, the text is from the genius who sent me the stupidity in the wee hours of the night/morning. It reads “this is —–“(I don’t want to “out” him..yet). So I text back, “What, really? what is wrong with you? What made you think I wanted to see that sh*t at 2:44 in the morn”? This idiot replies back with, “that girl was giving me head, I just wanted to share that with you and why didn’t you know that it was me sending you the text”. My response to that was “Huh? What? Que? Come the f*ck again…you thought I wanted to see that? You are weird as sh*t”. Needless to say, I still have not received a response back.

Our first initial re-connection on Facebook, was him sending me a message about my new picture I had up. Long story short, he said “nice pic”, I responded back with “thank you”. He then goes on about how my breast are nice, and blah blah blah. He took the conversation somewhere it really had no place going, but I reeled the convo back in to where it needed it to be. I let him know I don’t have problem being cool with him again, but the extra stuff will never happen. I really think me shutting down his advances did nothing but amp him up more, because he then tells me he likes that he can chase me.DAMNIT MANNN! I will be the first to admit, I was interested in him when we were younger, but now, NO…..me no likey that anymore..(lmfao)

Anyway, Happy Tuesday to anyone that reads my random rant.

Death to the robe??

I don’t know about you, but I love my robes (plural). One robe is in my closet,  used for lounging around the house; The second robe is in my bathroom, used when getting out the shower after drying off.
Yes I am guilty of using my robe as a blanket sometimes, I have even put it on backwards on purpose; Hmmmmmm wait…sounds like a Snuggie to me, the only difference is that I didn’t pay for a Snuggie, I used what I had……MY ROBE!
Really people?! What a waste of an invention.

Go GaGa or Go Home

Work those antlers bitch!

And the “I DON’T GIVE A F*CK WHAT YOU THINK, BECAUSE I MAKE MONEY OFF THIS SH*T B*TCH” Award goes to….. (drum roll please)…Lady GaGa.

I really like this chick, I really do. She knows exactly what to do to keep the money coming in, the cameras flashing, and people humming her songs (I’m guilty..don’t judge).

I love a person that can use things for multi purpose reasons. Example: In the picture to your right, Ms. GaGa is seen sporting a trendy antler hat. You ask “how is her hat used for multi purpose reasons”? Well allow me to be the one break it down.
The hat is to keep her head warm, as well as to give her the “innovative fashionista” look, and the Reindeer antlers are intended to show her holiday spirit (uhh duh, it is christmas time), as well as too stab the paparazzi if they come to close.

So BOOM, there you have it; A hat+deer antlers attached to it=Multi Purpose Usage. GO GAGA or GO HOME!

So this is it huh?

So I have now entered in the world of blogging huh? So let me be the first to welcome myself to the place that allows you to say what you want and how you want. (((WELCOME MS. NICETEE!!!))) ….Why thank you kindly!!

Who is the genius who thought of this “blogging” thing? I would love to personally thank that person. Finally, random people like myself have a small corner on the market.